Friendly Advice

Everyone has something to say about everything. In fact, I've even mentioned this before.

What I don't understand is how or why some people feel it's appropriate to tell a father, expecting his second child, what kids are like. Especially if they don't even have their own children. I mean, it's one thing to tell me what you went through with your kid... but if you've never been through anything? Please.

I know what kids are like, and I can sum it up for you in a rather succinct way: they're all different.

So don't bother telling me that yours really liked apple sauce at bedtime. Quit pestering me with the fact that your kid had to use some hypo-allergenic soy-based formula from a $94 custom-shaped-like-mommy's nipple. Stop sharing what color their poop was after the first time they had Fruit Loops, even if you freaked out and brought them to the emergency room.

Chances are, my child is only going to share three common traits with your child. She's going to eat. She's going to poop. She's going to sleep, sometimes.

I know you're trying to be helpful. I really do understand that you mean the best. But you don't know my kid any better than I do right now (and you certainly won't after she's born), so please just stop talking. And while you're sucking the advice back into your gaping pie hole, remove your hands from my wife's baby bump. She doesn't like you touching her without permission.

-A