A good 18 inches.
No, I'm serious, it was at least a foot and a half from baby butt to where it splattered all over the changing table paraphernalia.
Projectile poop is an interesting thing... it was perfectly round, spraying out like a steady stream from a garden hose, and quite lengthy, too. In fact, it was still coming out while it was destroying the baby powder, baby lotion, hand sanitizer, Butt Paste, Desitin, wipes and the stack of diapers we keep on hand.
All in all, it was an amazing display of the raw power inherent in an infant's ability to purge the bowels in a forceful and decisive manner.
Unfortunately, it managed to stain everything it touched, except for the wall. Behr Premium Plus Ultra Interior Flat Enamel: perfect for nurseries. Now I'm off to find a good pre-wash spray thingy.
-A
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Being Thankful
Every year, there's a day we set aside to remember and be thankful for all of the blessings in our lives. Every year, I list the same few things: my health, my family and friends, my wife. (Not necessarily in that order.)
This year, while I am still thankful for all of those things, there is only one thing occupying my thoughts.
My baby girl.
This year, the one thing that I am most thankful for is her health. She came into our lives fully cooked and ready to face the outside world, and I just can't stop thanking Gusby for that. I know exactly how blessed and lucky I am, and I try very hard not to take it for granted.
Every fresh diaper that she needs, every little noise she makes to rip me out of what little sleep I'm getting, every strange spot and smell on my shoulder, every time she yells at us that we're just not understanding what she needs this very second, all of it is a beautiful reminder of how fortunate I am.
I hope you all have many blessings for which to be thankful, and I hope that you can stop for just a minute to recognize them.
-A
This year, while I am still thankful for all of those things, there is only one thing occupying my thoughts.
My baby girl.
This year, the one thing that I am most thankful for is her health. She came into our lives fully cooked and ready to face the outside world, and I just can't stop thanking Gusby for that. I know exactly how blessed and lucky I am, and I try very hard not to take it for granted.
Every fresh diaper that she needs, every little noise she makes to rip me out of what little sleep I'm getting, every strange spot and smell on my shoulder, every time she yells at us that we're just not understanding what she needs this very second, all of it is a beautiful reminder of how fortunate I am.
I hope you all have many blessings for which to be thankful, and I hope that you can stop for just a minute to recognize them.
-A
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
SHE'S HERE!!
Not a whole lot of time to write, as you might well imagine, but I thought I'd at least post the announcement.
Goose showed up at 11:40pm Sunday night, 7lbs 15oz, 21 and 1/2 inches long, 14 and 3/4 inches head, and a head full of thick, dark hair. We all three came home Tuesday morning at 10:30am.
Mom and baby are both very healthy and happy and just a little bit exhausted.
I'm going to write a real post at some point in the future, but for now, just the basics.
-A
Goose showed up at 11:40pm Sunday night, 7lbs 15oz, 21 and 1/2 inches long, 14 and 3/4 inches head, and a head full of thick, dark hair. We all three came home Tuesday morning at 10:30am.
Mom and baby are both very healthy and happy and just a little bit exhausted.
I'm going to write a real post at some point in the future, but for now, just the basics.
-A
Friday, November 19, 2010
30 Hours
Yep, 30 hours from now, the fun begins.
According to stories, doctors, and gut feelings, Goose should be in my arms in 32-40 hours.
From now.
Less than a full two days.
Barely more than a day.
From right now.
This reminds me of a scene from Date Night where the two main characters are freaking out, and he says to her, "Honey, are you breathing?" To which she replies, "Only in!!"
I feel like a balloon, being pumped full of emotional hydrogen. Hold me up to a lighter, and I'll explode into a small puddle of wet. Don't believe me? 2 H2(g) + O2(g) → 2 H2O(l) + 572 kJ (286 kJ/mol)... and that's straight out of Wikipedia.
-A
According to stories, doctors, and gut feelings, Goose should be in my arms in 32-40 hours.
From now.
Less than a full two days.
Barely more than a day.
From right now.
This reminds me of a scene from Date Night where the two main characters are freaking out, and he says to her, "Honey, are you breathing?" To which she replies, "Only in!!"
I feel like a balloon, being pumped full of emotional hydrogen. Hold me up to a lighter, and I'll explode into a small puddle of wet. Don't believe me? 2 H2(g) + O2(g) → 2 H2O(l) + 572 kJ (286 kJ/mol)... and that's straight out of Wikipedia.
-A
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Induction Scheduled
At the doctor's appointment today, it was decided that Goose couldn't remain an inside baby past her due date, and so the induction of labor is scheduled for 7:30am on Sunday, the 21st.
So we're going to be parents to a real outside baby no longer than 6 days from now.
-A
So we're going to be parents to a real outside baby no longer than 6 days from now.
-A
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Final Countdown
It has been an extraordinarily long time coming.
It took us 18 months to knock her up, during which time we had visits with reproductive specialists, two or three different ob/gyns, a s**tload of tests, some drugs, and a lot of frustrated tears.
As of today, my wife is 39 weeks, 1 day into the human gestation process. We've been waiting to meet this little angel for over two years, and now that the doctor says "she's fully cooked in there, just needs a bit more basting," we're more than ready to throw her a welcome party.
We've had a "last hurrah" with my 11 year old, really hunkering down and enjoying the last time it will be just the three of us. We saw Megamind, had a night out on the town, worked all three of our asses off preparing the house, had a snowball fight, and just sat back to chill.
We haven't seen every single friend we have, but the ones we've been able to coordinate schedules with have been. A dinner, a puppy play-date, or whatever else, we've had a "last hurrah" with them, too, since we're soon to be the couple that has an infant.
Our parents and siblings have all gotten together with us, each one recognizing "this could be the last time" before Goose shows up.
Every time I call someone, they answer with bated breath, waiting eagerly for me to tell them we're on the way to the hospital and it's time to activate their part of the plan.
And here we sit, with practically nothing left to do to prepare, waiting with our hands folded neatly in our laps (or flailing about as I pace and exclaim loudly about "I want it now!").
We could have it now, I suppose... our doctor said he would electively induce at 39 weeks... but that feels a little like cheating, so we're not going that route. We're not against it if there's a medical reason for it, but right now there's no reason but our own impatience, and so it's off the table. Patience is a virtue... but I want it now.
-A
It took us 18 months to knock her up, during which time we had visits with reproductive specialists, two or three different ob/gyns, a s**tload of tests, some drugs, and a lot of frustrated tears.
As of today, my wife is 39 weeks, 1 day into the human gestation process. We've been waiting to meet this little angel for over two years, and now that the doctor says "she's fully cooked in there, just needs a bit more basting," we're more than ready to throw her a welcome party.
We've had a "last hurrah" with my 11 year old, really hunkering down and enjoying the last time it will be just the three of us. We saw Megamind, had a night out on the town, worked all three of our asses off preparing the house, had a snowball fight, and just sat back to chill.
We haven't seen every single friend we have, but the ones we've been able to coordinate schedules with have been. A dinner, a puppy play-date, or whatever else, we've had a "last hurrah" with them, too, since we're soon to be the couple that has an infant.
Our parents and siblings have all gotten together with us, each one recognizing "this could be the last time" before Goose shows up.
Every time I call someone, they answer with bated breath, waiting eagerly for me to tell them we're on the way to the hospital and it's time to activate their part of the plan.
And here we sit, with practically nothing left to do to prepare, waiting with our hands folded neatly in our laps (or flailing about as I pace and exclaim loudly about "I want it now!").
We could have it now, I suppose... our doctor said he would electively induce at 39 weeks... but that feels a little like cheating, so we're not going that route. We're not against it if there's a medical reason for it, but right now there's no reason but our own impatience, and so it's off the table. Patience is a virtue... but I want it now.
-A
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Something They Don't Tell You...
Everyone tells you, repeatedly and with great mirth, that having a newborn destroys your sleep schedule. No one ever mentions that you start this grand new adventure thoroughly exhausted.
A dozen years ago, when my ex was pregnant with my little man, I was working the overnight shift at Target. His birth coincided with me switching that job for the one that had me making and baking bagels, again on the overnight shift. By the time that job was over, he was sleeping through the night.
So I have been completely and utterly unprepared for this lack of restful sleep.
No, Goose isn't here yet. No, I'm not overly stressed out. Yes, Goose and stress are responsible for my lack of sleep.
You see, my wife has stopped sleeping well. The gigantic parasite living in her uterus is causing her all sorts of discomfort. She has heartburn and indigestion. She has hip and pelvis pain. She has a huge, heavy lump attached to the front of her body. She can't breathe as well as she used to, due to insufficient lung capacity caused by, you guessed it, a baby sitting on her diaphragm.
All of these factors have destroyed our ability to sleep. She can't get comfortable, so she tosses and turns quite a bit. Thanks to the hip and pelvic pain, that tossing actually hurts, which causes moaning and whimpering. On the rare occasions it doesn't hurt, it's just a physical struggle to roll over and drag the weight of Goose around the bed, the source of the grunting and groaning. When she does manage to find a semi-comfortable position in which to sleep, she snores like a lumberjack for about an hour. Then she has to get up to empty her bladder, which I swear can only hold a teaspoon of liquid at this point, and the whole process starts all over again.
Maybe this is nature's way of making sure we appreciate the semi-regularity of an infant's schedule... maybe this is a way to make sure we're not so shocked by the lack of sleep that we stop procreating altogether.
Maybe this is one of those moments where I have to remind myself that we did this to ourselves on purpose, that we tried for years to make this happen, and that we're just happy to have been blessed with the opportunity to lose sleep for something so special.
And maybe I'm going to go take some Nyquil with a vodka chaser and go back to bed.
-A
A dozen years ago, when my ex was pregnant with my little man, I was working the overnight shift at Target. His birth coincided with me switching that job for the one that had me making and baking bagels, again on the overnight shift. By the time that job was over, he was sleeping through the night.
So I have been completely and utterly unprepared for this lack of restful sleep.
No, Goose isn't here yet. No, I'm not overly stressed out. Yes, Goose and stress are responsible for my lack of sleep.
You see, my wife has stopped sleeping well. The gigantic parasite living in her uterus is causing her all sorts of discomfort. She has heartburn and indigestion. She has hip and pelvis pain. She has a huge, heavy lump attached to the front of her body. She can't breathe as well as she used to, due to insufficient lung capacity caused by, you guessed it, a baby sitting on her diaphragm.
All of these factors have destroyed our ability to sleep. She can't get comfortable, so she tosses and turns quite a bit. Thanks to the hip and pelvic pain, that tossing actually hurts, which causes moaning and whimpering. On the rare occasions it doesn't hurt, it's just a physical struggle to roll over and drag the weight of Goose around the bed, the source of the grunting and groaning. When she does manage to find a semi-comfortable position in which to sleep, she snores like a lumberjack for about an hour. Then she has to get up to empty her bladder, which I swear can only hold a teaspoon of liquid at this point, and the whole process starts all over again.
Maybe this is nature's way of making sure we appreciate the semi-regularity of an infant's schedule... maybe this is a way to make sure we're not so shocked by the lack of sleep that we stop procreating altogether.
Maybe this is one of those moments where I have to remind myself that we did this to ourselves on purpose, that we tried for years to make this happen, and that we're just happy to have been blessed with the opportunity to lose sleep for something so special.
And maybe I'm going to go take some Nyquil with a vodka chaser and go back to bed.
-A
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